For people who know me, I am usually a happy person.  You see me in the hallway, high-energy, saying “Good morning” or “Hi, how are you?” to anyone I meet.  Someone told me before, that is quite not considered normal. I hear comments like, “I want to have what you have – you got to share that, man.” Or “You have one of a kind happiness out there!” It does not bother me at all, partly because I think they are right – I am unusually happy, always happy.

As a nurse, although I have not been directly taking care of patients for several years now, being in this career poses a lot of pressure – both personal and professional.  While I work in a leadership role for a few years now, I have learned to balance my emotions on and off work.  I have also learned that we have to be open to finding our happiness from within to be able to make an impact.

A few years ago, I was faced with extreme sadness when my mom passed away.  And until now, I get into moments where I go back to that exact moment, I was told she is gone.  A tear will fall, sometimes sobbing uncomfortably, uncontrollably with no reason.  But would come back to reality and face the world again.  I have learned that I have a choice – a choice to be happy.

In a course I took long time ago, called “The Science of Happiness” by The Greater Good Science Center from Berkley University in California, there are key concepts shared in the course to help the learner understand happiness. My favorite part was to understand that happiness is related to human connection and social activities we do each day – like compassion, gratitude, kindness, generosity, altruism, and forgiveness.

My takeaway after taking the course was, we can never be happy unless we find happiness from within.  It takes daily practice, meditation and reflection to fully understand ourselves and achieve the happiness we are looking for. So let me share how we can make an impact by finding happiness from within.  There are five key points I want to share that worked for me to keep me grounded and choose happiness each day:

1. Social connections.  I start to cultivate the art of small talks. My kids would always say, “I hope we don’t see a Filipino person in the grocery or in the church – or else!”  Because the one-minute talk can go over a two-hour conversation! Every night, when I get into our community, I would drop by the guard house to check-in but also, talk to the security on-duty asking how their day was or if there is something I missed in our community.  We can talk for a couple of minutes sometimes without realizing there is already a long line behind me! I enjoy these conversations and social connections, where I can share a piece of myself and hoping I can make an impact through meaningful conversations.  These social interactions are also the best avenue to share compassion and kindness – everyone needs to be heard and valued.
2. Trust and Reconciliation.  You may think I sound crazy when I say, I forgive everyone who offends me, and I don’t take it personally.  I am a human being and human nature is to respond back to situations or step up for yourself.  Well, this is not the same with letting people run over you or letting people abuse you with their power, but it is more of peacemaking or creating peace within oneself.  I forgive people because it is better for me that way, than to argue in a battle that is not within my capacity.  I forgive people because I know that somehow, I know who I can build trust with and who should not be within my circle.  I forgive people because I don’t deserve to be in a toxic relationship but instead I need to find peace within myself to be able to find my happiness by establishing boundaries for my well-being.
3. Mindfulness.  I don’t know about you – but this is a hard one to develop.  Until now, I am in the state of developing that art of mindfulness.  Especially in this world where we can easily be distracted, mindfulness is purposely bringing yourself in the moment.  One of the strategies that helps me a lot is when I try to engage in active listening.  Rather than looking for how I can respond or waiting for someone to just wrap up because I have other things to do, I listen and try to put myself in the moment.  There are various school of thought about mindfulness and have shown health benefits.  We should probably talk about this one day in one of our episodes!  One important concept with mindfulness is to that this practice is verbal and non-verbal and it takes practice to develop the habit.
4. Gratitude.  If you have recently watched the movie “Cruella” by “Walt Disney, there was a script in the movie saying that “gratitude is for those who are weak.”  This thought allowed me to reflect and ask myself – could that be so mean that you cannot say thank you at all? This is similar to one executive who told me years ago that I should stop saying, “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” because this makes me look weak and not confident.  I guess, when I think of gratitude, I’d say this is the concept of looking at the bright things about life.  As some may say about me, I have eternal optimism and I always find the sun in a storm.  Gratitude is important in finding happiness, in order to understand that no matter how bad the situation is, there is always beauty in some ways.  In gratitude, we turn our challenges into opportunities and find options or alternatives to seek happiness.
5. Self-compassion.  Another concept in the works for me, commonly known as self-care.  Ask yourself, when was the last time you rewarded yourself for a job well done? Or when was the last time you told yourself…  “I am making it happen”, “I am doing an amazing job”, “I am doing my best”, “I am achieving my goal”, “I will not give up”, “I am loved, and I have people I love so much”.  This is the self-compassion we want to achieve to find happiness.  When we reach a path where we find our lives meaningful, we want the world to see us then we can create an impact.  Last week, I moderated two of the six breakout sessions of the Florida Nurse’s Association’s Membership Assembly Virtual Conference where I was assigned to facilitate last week. I am grateful to be given the opportunity to assist and use my skills in moderating a virtual conference.  This opportunity made me reflect, how else can I make a difference using my skills? Why did I wait this long to find opportunities to share myself and my skills?  Maybe because I was afraid of the criticisms or my flaws but this is where self-compassion can be practiced.  In self-compassion, you accept yourself for who you are, embracing your imperfections.  The only way to be kind and compassionate to others is to be kind to yourself.

These are the five key points in making an impact through finding happiness from within: Social connections, trust and reconciliation, mindfulness, gratitude and self- compassion. With the society we live where we are criticized with what we do or how we live our life, how can you make a difference? I tell you, try this: Find your happiness from within.